How

First thing you do is thrash. You tighten muscles that don't loosen unless you really think about it. You do yourself injury just by clenching. Gradually a sequence presents itself. First tighten here, then loosen there. Breathe normally. Hey, I've got it. Fall.

It always seems like I'm trying to learn new things. I'm not really good at anything. I don't expect to be, in this life. I just wasn't meant for mastery this time around. I'm finally breathing normally though. I still fall.

Shortcomings

There arrives a time in your life when you face your shortcomings, and you say either I am going to correct that or I don't care to correct that, come what may. We are taught to want to correct those shortcomings. This is a source of great anxiety for some people, mostly because they have been, in one way or the other, jerked around by that chain since they have been cognizant of their self-ness. This, I think, is the great leap forward that middle age represents for many people. But a void is left when "the eye that never ends" is directed to look elsewhere. After all, our judgement, as well as how we are judged, defines us. If we leave all of that behind then how do we navigate the fearsome world. In middle age, hopefully, our judgement evolves, just as it does in adolescence, because we become less ego-centric, less interested in engineering outcomes, more circumspect about shortcomings and failings. Less regretful. Less afraid.